Nov 4

I’ve had a really hard time staying on task today. I voted about 2 weeks ago. I dropped my ballot in the box and a few days later got the email that my ballot was received and counted. I love doing it that way when I can do it on my time and be done with it. 

Waking up this morning to the news that so many seats had been flipped was absolutely wonderful. I’ve been distracted all day but also so happy. Even in my deeply republican state, the democrats got a few seats. Enough to break the super majority. Now, I know that almost every midterm election swings the other way. I know that it's going to be an uphill battle for things to change. I know that in 10 more years things will still be swinging back and forth. What I am hopeful for is that unchecked power will be checked. That policies can eventually change. I’m hopeful that even as things swing back and forth, maybe things can still be inching towards fair and equal for all. I’m hopeful for the diversity that's happening in the elected officials all over the country.

Nothing has actually changed yet, but I can definitely celebrate for today.

Too Much?

My freezer is so full. The soup I made yesterday barely fits and I am making more soup today. I wouldn’t,  except that I have the ingredients and don’t want to waste them. I will dig out the containers I don’t like to store it in and figure out where to put them. I bet I have lunch and dinner for the next 2 weeks for sure. Maybe a bit more. So I just need to worry about breakfast (although I also have frozen muffins) and maybe a salad or something to break up the soup eating? I also have corn bread, pumpkin bread, a few biscuits, and the plan is to make bread sticks today. LOL

It’s ok. I have food for lunch for work so I don’t eat out, and I’d rather eat leftovers than cook every day. This was my weekend to stay home and to cook. I’ve been doing a puzzle as I listened to conference and have a craft out as well. It’s noon and I’m in my pjs. I don’t actually plan on getting dressed at all today. I kind of love it. 

From today’s conference President Oakes talked about those with diminishing faith. I don’t truly consider that I have diminishing faith, but I do think that my blind trust in the church is no longer. And I admit that my attendance is mostly just that. Attendance, and not much else. But his talk reminds me that I haven’t actually given up. There are still parts of my faith that I love and I don’t actually want to leave. So I struggle on and try to not doubt my faith.

I do wish it wasn’t going to be in the 80s today. I’m so happy that the leaves are turning, but I could wish for cooler temperatures. I have my electric candles on timers now and my fall scents are in the candle warmer. I guess on the flip side of that, my yarrow is going to bloom again and my flower garden is still a riot of color. It’s so pretty. So no complaining, just enjoying how beautiful everything is. 

Sick

Well, I’ve been looking forward to September for ages and it started with a bang. I guess I can say it can only get better from here? Tuesday day was fine. I got out my fall decorations, all 4 of them. LOL And switched my candle warmer to an apple and cinnamon scented wax melt. Wednesday I woke up with a scratchy throat and the day went downhill from there. I ran to the grocery store in the morning to get lemons and orange juice and Gatorade, just in case. By the afternoon there was no denying I was getting sick and by the time I got off work, I felt awful. I worked a bit on Thursday as well, mostly because I couldn’t breathe unless I was sitting up, so why not? 

I already planned to take today off for a 4 day weekend. This was the weekend I was supposed to go to Cedar City. I have tickets waiting for me at the box office. I needed one more day to get over this. I’m over the sore throat and chills, but my sinuses are still a mess and my head still hurts a bit. There’s just no way I can comfortably do that 4 hour drive by myself. And let’s face it: I have no desire to sit in a theater feeling like this. And I want to be in my own bed with my own things when I don’t feel good. The hotel was paid for with miles so it doesn’t feel like such a waste. But there goes almost 200 dollars down the drain. I don’t have another weekend to go and one of the shows closes tonight anyway. I know I’m grumpy and I just plain don’t feel good, but I waste so much damn money sometimes. I know this one really can’t be helped. I didn’t try to get sick. I’m just….not happy about the whole situation. 

So today, I’m going to sit here and wallow in misery and hopefully take a nap, because I didn’t get much sleep last night. Hopefully, I’ll feel better tomorrow and maybe I can figure out something to do that will make this weekend not feel like a complete waste. Something free. I’ve wasted enough money for now.

Reminder

Yesterday, I went to Target and stocked up on a few things and bought some new hangers because I was out. Then this morning, I got the urge to clean out my closet and then I had all the hangers I needed. I will use everything I bought yesterday (tissue, qtips, toothpaste etc.) but now I have a lot of extra hangers. LOL this always happens to me. So this is my reminder to be more careful about what I’m buying and how I’m spending my money. To check my pantry for ingredients before I buy more, that sort of thing. I just got to the point where my checking account has a little extra in it and I want to keep it that way. 

I don’t need more stuff! If I come across things I think I want, I can put them on my Christmas list. I don’t need to impulse buy anything! I have lots of things already at home that I can do: blankets to make, crafts to finish, embroidery, puzzles, books to read, playing the piano, etc. Then there’s cleaning and exercise. My house is already filled with plenty of things to keep me occupied for many months. 

Moody

I am in a mood! A really bad one. I’ve felt like this kind of all week, kind of for no reason. I’m pretty sure it’s just more perimenopause fun. I’ve stayed away from the news and can’t say that I’m unhappy. I’m just super grumpy.

Some positive things: It snowed this morning and I’m going to soak in the cozy vibe today, and I get to go to water aerobics tonight. 

When I looked out my window this morning when I got out of bed, we had some rainy drizzle going on so I went and got ready for work. When I opened up my blinds as I was getting ready to leave, I saw a whole bunch of snow coming down. I left for work, but the closer I got to the freeway, the more snow and last time I went to the office, I had to park clear out by the farthest production building. My mood was rapidly deteriorating and I turned around and came home. Funny thing is my sister told me they don't have snow up north when I texted her. Oh well? I’m not stuck to my desk like I was yesterday so I can run some errands at lunch and take care of a few things, while I enjoy the storm in comfort. One of the things I still like about my job is the ability to do it where I want. 

So I’m taking a few minutes to eat something fairly healthy and I’m getting my bad mood out. It’s fine to feel however I feel, as long as I don’t take it out on other people. Then I’m going to put some tunes on and get to work!

Lovely October

Can't believe we are at the halfway done with October mark. I feel like I'm doing a good job of noticing each day and having a moment to just enjoy it. I have an unplanned weekend coming up and I'm hoping to get out and do a few things and just enjoy being out and about. To that end, I've been getting laundry and other house things done so that I have the chores out of the way. 

It was a lovely drive to work today. Rainy and cloudy and dark. 

So far this month I've read a werewolf romance, a zombie war story, and a gothic book. I feel very good about my reading choices for Halloween month. Coming up, I've got a historical mystery and maybe a little more paranormal romance and some light horror. 

New Week, New Day

I know I’ve been complaining about the hot summer, but I won’t complain too much this week. This past weekend I went to the farmer’s market and bought myself some peaches. This morning I had a bowl full of fresh peaches for breakfast and it was glorious. I’m going to eat as many as I can over the next few weeks. Yum! 

I feel a little better about life this week. Trying again to get some things right. I’ve already walked this morning and I’ve eaten pretty healthy. I made a veggie tray and mom’s dill dip for family dinner yesterday so at lunch I had a plate full of leftover veggies and dip. Truly, I did not eat very well last week either. 

I finished a book yesterday that annoyed me at first because the main character was not super excited to be on her adventure - basically she was transported into fairyland. But once I put my expectations aside, I ended up loving the book and gave it 5 stars. I’ve already read my favorite parts over again. It’s funny how some phrases or events in a book just stick to you and elevate it to a book that you love. I’ve been waiting for months now to have that book hangover feeling and so it was nice to finally get it. 

Too Soon?

Is it too soon for fall scented candles and books with vampires? Today I am very ready for cool days and nights and cozying up with puzzles and books and cocoa. Also, being able to wear my fall perfume scents and favorite long sleeved t-shirts. I mean we’ve had a beautiful blue sky today, but I wouldn’t mind a few grey clouds. 

I know I shouldn’t wish my life away. And to be honest it’s been a fun summer and the year has gone by so fast already. Today I’m just ready for a new season?

Let It Go

Grrrr, I’m so annoyed. Mostly with myself. Over the past 2 months I’ve had terrible pain in my teeth, jaw and side of my head. The only reason I chose to go to the dentist is because I wasn’t sick and didn’t have any sinus problems. And I don’t have allergies. They told me I probably needed a root canal and gave me a referral and then gave me a prescription for an antibiotic and said that would help with the pain in the meantime. And it did help. So yesterday when I went to the endodontist he said my tooth is fine. It’s not abscessed and I didn’t need a root canal. He also said if it was the tooth, then the antibiotic wouldn’t actually help. Which is fine. I didn’t want a root canal. But I have a hard time believing it’s only sinus when I have no other issues. And I still have a dull ache over that tooth. Ha ha I’m trying to let it go but I’m annoyed. I’ve decided this is just the next thing to ache in my ever more weird/changing peri-menopausal  body.  

To top it off, we had a major issue come up at work and I didn’t check back in after my appointment and crap really blew up. So I also didn’t know about a 6:30 am meeting and didn’t join. They have probably left me alone thinking I don’t feel well and I just didn’t want to jump into the middle of things that I don’t really know how to fix anyway. So I feel a little bit guilty. I mean my boss has been working on her vacation. And I feel a lot like I don’t care. 

Yep, I think I’m back in the being depressed and not caring about life cycle. At least in regards to work. I’m still doing stuff during my non-work life. And the family stuff I’m doing because I want to. The church stuff I’m doing because I said I would and can’t wait for it to be over. LOL yeah I’m kind of a mess. 

It’s been raining today though and I’m at home. I got to go eat school lunch with the twins and the rain has been good for my soul. My sister and I walked to the school with umbrellas and it was wonderful. So I’m going to let go of the annoyance and guilt and enjoy the rest of this perfectly wonderful rainy day.

Reading Blues

When this year started, I had some high hopes for reading some of the bigger books on my shelf and was looking forward to where the mood would take me. Well, the mood has taken me to re-reading old favorites instead of new stuff. With everything else that’s going on, I’m just not in the mood to start new books. I only read 3 new to me books in March and one of them was a novella with only 87 pages. 

Ha ha ha I had put only 24 books in my Goodreads reading challenge because I didn’t want any pressure from numbers and it looks like that’s a good thing. I had a great January so I’m still at 15 books read, which is still one book a week on average and still better than what a lot of people read in a year. Plus, the fact is that I am reading and sometimes I’m reading a lot. It’s just not full books or new books.

I am a little antsy about it though because my brain knows this really isn’t normal, even though I know it won’t last. I just can’t settle on what book to read. Hmmm maybe I’ll just watch some k-dramas instead.

Summertime Sickness

It's been 100 degrees outside and somehow I got sick. Last Saturday I woke up with a dry throat but didn't think too much of it since I sleep with a fan on and it's just really dry right now. But later in the day I definitely had a sore throat. So it's been 3.5 days and I finally feel like I'm getting over it. I've done almost nothing in those days. I've been working from home and getting only little things done because I just haven't felt very good. Last night I finally slept through the night. 

I think it's only one more night and then fireworks are illegal again. We can light them 3 days before and after the 4th and 24th holidays. We had a nice summer rainstorm on the 24th around 11 which made me happy and I figured the fireworks were over for the night. Nope, they lit them after the rain at 1 am. Fireworks can be fun and pretty and all that but I'm not the biggest fan of them in my neighborhood after 11. 

So yeah, I'm complainy and a little grumpy right now. This is the part of summer I really don't like and my least favorite time of the year. Being sick doesn't help it. One more month to get through, even though September isn't all the better in the beginning, at least it means summer is coming to an end. 

Fall Break

I took 2 days off work this week. I needed to use up some vacation and had thought that having a fall break would be nice. I had plans, part of which were to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather we were having. Wednesday at work though I started getting a scratchy throat. I was in denial but stopped by the grocery story on my way home to pick up anything I might need if I got sick. Turned out to be a good thing because I’ve been sick for the past 2.5 days. So long to my plans. I’m even missing a wedding today, but my sinuses are still a mess and I don’t want to get anyone sick, even with just a cold. 

Thursday I mostly just had a sore throat so I did take myself over to the parkway and enjoyed a slow stroll through the botanical garden and down by the river. It was very nice. I sat for a while and watched the ducks. 

I was up really early this morning because I couldn’t breathe to sleep well. Then I took a nap. In spite of missing out on a family thing, it’s not too bad of a day to stay home. We have a storm coming in and it’s blustery and raining off and on. Our first taste of winter is coming. We are forecasted to get a rain/snow mix in the valleys overnight. I’m ready for it. 

Happy Dance

It's September!!! I was so happy to move the calendar over to the next month. I mean, we are having record heat this week so it's not like summer is actually over, but it's getting there. This year has truly gone by so fast. The sun is even setting about 8 pm. Earlier this week, I knew summer was coming to a close because I was in my sister's garden picking blackberries. Yep, it's that time of year. Plus, the peaches are on and I'm hoping to pick some up at the farmer's market on Saturday. 

So I'm enjoying this time of year. Not wishing it away (even though 100 degree temps are not my favorite thing) but looking forward to darker, cooler days and nights to come. 

No Service

Drove up to the Uintah mountains with my sister and her twins this past weekend. It was absolutely wonderful. The temperature was in the high 60s and it was overcast and we got a little rain. I want to go back. It was kind of a little sad when we got back to cell phone service and my phone started dinging with notifications. It's the kind of break everybody needs once in a while. 

June

Well, summer is in full swing. I’ve been looking ahead at my calendar to plan some things and it’s really going to be over before I know it. That’s fine because it’s not my favorite season. Hot and dry. However for all that, we’ve had some really beautiful mornings lately and everything is still green. The wind coming from the canyon smells like camping and I’ve been taking pictures of wildflowers on my walks. I’m trying to enjoy this part of summer before everything dries out. 

I’ve been feeling extra tired lately so I’m trying to not drink caffeine, especially later in the day so I can sleep, along with making sure I get some exercise.  I win some days and lose some days. I’ve also cut down on my web comics reading. I’m still following all my stories, but I haven’t been getting on every day and I’m letting some of the series I read go back to regular release instead of fast passing. I was spending too much money there and it’s actually been a nice thing to consume less of. Well, maybe not less because I’m staying caught up, but I’m taking breaks. Life is just cycles and I’ve cycled to fewer days of webtoons at the moment. I’ve been in a bit of a reading slump anyway and that is normal too. Anyway looking forward to the July 4th holiday in a couple weeks. I’ve got some time off and I need to plan what to do with it. 

January Blues

Well, covid has certainly hit my family. My sister and her 2 year old and my brother's entire family are sick with it. That means that my mom and I are the only households to escape it, thus far. I'm just resigned to getting sick at this point. I got my vaccine booster shot a few weeks ago and wear a mask except for at work, where I pretty much stay in my office, but I don't think I can stop it. With the numbers as high as they are, I'm back to home church for awhile. I started working from home this week as soon as my family started getting sick. I'm going to the grocery store bright and early tomorrow morning to get some things for my brother and sister while they are stuck at home. It's all I can do. 

I'm tired, tired, tired of it. 

I don't actually have January blues, but I definitely have pandemic fatigue.

I've been reading some good books. So there is that. 

Great Rainy Weekend

 I took Friday off work and gave myself a 3 day weekend. It was so wonderful. I even got out of bed 15 minutes early this morning without being grumpy and got to leave for work without feeling super rushed.

I was going to do a lot of things on Friday but it was trying to rain so I slept in and then got up and ran some errands. Once the rain started for real, I made homemade applesauce and then went into my library and made myself comfortable with a book or two. I read all afternoon and it was so nice and relaxing.

On Saturday I went to the farmer’s market in the rain. I was dressed in layers with my waterproof hiking shoes and rain jacket. I was wet but it was so nice to have the water. My mom and I went to breakfast after the market and then I went home and spent the afternoon and evening cooking and reading.

The sun finally came out on Sunday and when the clouds left, I could see the tops of the mountains have a dusting of snow. My only real plan for the weekend was to enjoy October and I think I can say I did. Even if I wasn’t outside quite as much as I had planned, it was a great weekend.

It's September. Finally!

I’m ready. So ready for fall. The temps are in the 80’s this week and I’m waiting for them to go lower and lower. I’m ready to wear long sleeve shirts, walk in the leaves, and drink copious amounts of hot chocolate. I made a list of books and webtoons that seem great for the darker nights and cooler weather. I want to eat soup and bread. In short, I’m going to hibernate like I always try to do. It’s a good year to hibernate seeing how we aren’t over the pandemic by a long shot.

Summer Rain

We had a wonderful rain storm on Saturday night. We had rain earlier in the week also which caused some flooding in places. It was too much in to short a time. But on Saturday, it felt like a typical summer thunderstorm. Exactly what I think of when I hear Vivaldi’s Summer. The thunder and lightening passed quickly and left us with a nice rain. I opened my windows upstairs and read in my library. It was perfect. I really hope the hot, hot days of summer are behind us. I’m ready for fall. Once again, I’m going to try and be present and live in the day and enjoy it. Time passes so quickly it will be gone before I know it.

I thought the drops on the window screen were cool in the light.

Olympics

I am not a sports fan at all. I hate watching on tv, although I have enjoyed live hockey games before. In most cases if you name a team, I can’t tell which sport they play and I’m perfectly happy this way. The exception to this is the olympics. When it comes to the olympics I will watch any sport. Needless to say, I’ve been glued to my computer for the last however many days watching all kinds of sports and crying with them over wins, losses, and upsets.  Yes, my favorite moments are always when the underdogs come up first. To me, that is the olympics, not the politics and other crap that is always there. I have to say some commentators can’t be bothered to report on the actual race, just the person they think is going to win. I mean they are right a lot of the time, but still. I can’t really complain since I’m not paying for any of it. Anyway, this is one of the few times where I am a sports fan. I’ll enjoy it for a few more days and then go back to my old ways.