The Next Day

I worked late yesterday and on my way home stopped by the grocery store for some flowers, which I took to the cemetery. They are probably dead today, but whatever. I had a few tears and put the flowers in the vases on both sides of the headstone and left. Got fast food on the drive home and came home and did nothing again. Except clean my kitchen floor, and that's only because I dropped a glass and it broke. 

I didn't sleep well last night, but oddly enough, except for being tired I feel better than I did yesterday. I got up and got to work and my dentist appointment on time and then had a bunch of meetings and worked from home. I ate a healthy dinner and that alone is making me feel tons better. It really is true that good eating and some exercise really help both mental and physical health. Too bad I don't do them more often. 

When the temperatures dipped into the 70s on Sunday, I started wanting soup. So today I made 3 bean chili. I added bell peppers to it. It was ok, not sure if I'd make it again, but I have leftovers I will finish up. So soup making started early this year, but that's my favorite thing to make so why not? 

Anyway, I'm feeling better today. Able to cope and know I'm ok. I didn't have any caffeine either so hopefully I'll sleep tonight. It seems like letting myself have a few days to have some feelings and be late for work worked out ok. I know it won't be the last time because it comes in waves and that's ok too. 

Dealing with Grief

So all my summer fun is over. And to be sure, I am very much looking forward to fall, even though I’m a bit unsure about the holidays this year. But last week was very unproductive and I was definitely calling myself lazy. But I consoled myself that I was still getting up for work. And then today happened. I was almost 30 minutes late for work because I didn’t want to get out of bed. I mean, sure I could have worked from home. But I wanted to be in the office for the work I had to do and that was what I had planned on.

I’m pretty sure I’m just dealing with grief or depression caused by grief. I’m just feeling kind of sad. I don’t feel like it’s bad enough to have to get help yet. But I’m also not sure if I’ll know how to recognize if/when that time comes. I’m just typing out my feelings because I know it helps, and I don’t want to write them longhand in my paper journal. 😊

I’m still getting out a bit. I went to the library book sale on Saturday. My sister and I and the twins had a nice walk on Sunday. I guess today I just need to let myself feel all the things. Start again tomorrow. Tomorrow I do have to get out of bed because I go to the dentist first thing. So there’s that.

I think I will try and get another walk in. I still have 11 miles to go to finish my walking goal for the summer and 3 weeks left to do it, so I’m still on track. So walking will help.

I should find something besides just “fall” to look forward to. I’ll have to think about that for a bit.

Reading Update

I remember last year at the end of the year I was excited for a smaller reading goal and I was ready to tackle some of the books that have been sitting on my shelves for years. Then February happened. Now the year is more than halfway over, and I’m looking at my reading. It’s no surprise but this has turned into a year of comfort reading. Lots and lots of re-reading favorite parts of books. No surprise there. What has been a little surprising is that my comfort reading has turned into a Georgette Heyer binge.

I have always enjoyed the Heyer books I had read in the past so it was no surprise to me to enjoy Venetia in January. It had been sitting on my shelf for a while and it seemed like a good time to read it. But that started my interest and I bought a few more of her books in old editions. Then I proceeded to re-read some of my favorites from years past and started reading the ones I had recently purchased. Then I purchased more. And read more. I’ve finished 55 books this year and 14 of them are Heyer. That’s 25% devoted to one author this year. And it doesn’t even include the re-reading.

One of them is a mystery and the rest are the “romances” which is a term I use loosely. Many of them seem to be very short on the romance and turn into a comedy of errors. I’ve enjoyed them immensely. There’s just something really comforting about the polite society manners and carriage rides and all the crazy situations and funny dialogue that has had me returning over and over again.

Now, I have succeeded in reading other things: the other 41 books on my list. However, many times I’ve been staring at my bookshelves and taking down other books just to turn around and put them back and reach for a Heyer. I think with this 14^th book (also 3 in a row) I am ready to reach for something else for a bit. I’m not ruling out another Heyer this year, but maybe not for a couple weeks. Ha ha 

Another Fun Vacation

This week I did a quick trip to Cedar City and the Utah Shakespeare Festival. I didn’t go last year so it was fun to go back. It was a little bit different this year because mom wasn't with us. The day we left I did let myself have my moment to feel sad. She would have had fun with all of us. This year my sisters wanted to come so I had Anna and her girls and my other niece Katya for the theater. My other sister came with her 5 year old twins as well. They just did other things while we were in the theater but they had fun sitting on the grass with us to watch the Greenshow.

This year we went to The Winter’s Tale, Much Ado About Nothing, and The 39 Steps. I didn’t know much about The Winter’s Tale, but they did a great job and I understood what was going on. It’s kind of a crazy story and it’s labeled as a “Romance” but you wouldn’t know it from the first act. I knew I would love Much Ado About Nothing, and I did. It was fun to see it on stage. The 39 Steps just sounded fun and it was probably my favorite because I laughed almost all the way through.  

All 3 of my nieces want to go back next year and the season has been announced and they are doing some good ones, so I will probably be planning out that trip as well. 

While I have been on some really great trips, this is probably my favorite vacation. I get to spend time with my favorite people and go to the theater. 

And now, I'm out of things to look forward to. Except for autumn coming. But all this year during the hard stuff, I've had my Canada trip, this trip, and a day at the Uintah's with family as the things that I was looking forward to this summer. I still have some time off coming, but nothing planned for it. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about the holidays this year, but I do love autumn and now that school is back it's the one thing I'm anticipating...even as it's still 90 degrees outside. Ah well...