Mascara

To date, mascara is the one makeup item that I always wear no matter what from the time I started wearing any makeup in 7th grade (the year I went to Jr. High and mom let me start wearing makeup at all). It truly became a bit of a security blanket for me and except for rare instances of outdoors activities, I always wore it. Didn’t even matter how early I had to get up to make sure I at least had that on. I do feel more confident with make up on. Funny though because I don’t wear that much makeup in general. Eye liner and mascara, either some liquid or powder type on my face to even the skin tone but not caked on, and concealer. I’ve never gotten the hang of eye shadow and my eye lids are so oily it is gone by mid-day. 

So in my un-scientific endeavors to try and make my eyes feel better, I’ve been experimenting with how I wear eye makeup. I just feel like mascara exacerbates the issue when I’m having “bad eye” days. So I’ve been trying to do without it sometimes. On my work from home days I don’t wear eye make up at all and have been running errands that way. I went to the theater in SL without eye makeup on one night when my eyes were killing me. I already knew that nobody else cares. I’m only the center of attention in my own world and mind. When running errands nobody knows the difference. And my friend with me at the theater certainly didn’t care. 

My eyes were killing me this morning so I didn’t put any mascara on. I used a little bit of eye liner and a new type of eye shadow stick I recently bought. It’s a neutral color and doesn’t have to blend with anything else. Then I went to work. And I’ve been fine. I have to wear my glasses to read the screens and it’s not like I get out of my office all that much anyway. I’m the only one that actually cares. But regardless of what I tell myself, I’m a little bit proud that I did it. I’ve been telling myself one thing for most of my life even though it wasn’t true and now I’m doing something different. It’s not that I’m never going to wear mascara again. I might wear it to work tomorrow. But I am dealing with and changing a lie I told myself for years: I have to wear mascara to look (nice, like I tried, like myself?). 

This morning my eyes were dry and burning and they are still dry and burning. What they are not is swollen and I think it’s because they are mascara free. This is just one day and I’m not done experimenting but I feel I’m making progress. My goal is to feel comfortable with whatever my eyes are going to do any given day and just roll with it. 

April Odds and Ends

I had a really nice weekend. It rained Friday and Saturday morning, but it turned out to be really nice. On Saturday I went with my sisters to my local library where they were giving out packets of ladybugs for earth day. The twins love ladybugs and my nephew Owen, went through a huge bug phase one summer and still likes them. A local aquarium brought some exhibits and let the kids touch a snake and see some baby sharks swimming. It was kind of fun.

 

My flowers outside are starting to bloom and I was so pleasantly surprised when I saw that my new succulent already shot up a bloom. I was not expecting that at all. I can't wait for it to open.

I have been borrowing books from the library again which is kind of nice. I felt like I had spent less money on books so far this year, and it’s possible, but I have still bought quite a few. 10 paper books and 12 kindle. Only 3 of the 10 paper books were actually new to me. I had already read and decided to buy the other 7, mostly because the paperback version was released. And a few of the 12 kindle books were free, I picked them up on a deal. So I’m probably really not spending less money on books, it just feels like it. I’m pretty sure I’m not doing as much impulse book buying after reading reviews. I’ve been checking the library first and waiting for sales. And that is because unless I start reading it right then, it will just stay in the pile of unread books and right now I just don’t want that. I have too many of those as it is. Of course, I’m still spending a lot of reading time on Webtoons and Tapas. That’s not going away.

Movie

I went back to the movie theater for the first time in 2 years. Maybe even a little longer since I didn't go at all in 2020 even before the theaters closed. We saw The Lost City, which was dumb, just like I expected from the previews, and gave me some good laughs. I got to sit in a reclining seat with movie theater popcorn - aka too much butter on the top and nothing at the bottom. It needs to be more evenly coated, IMO.

Still it was so nice. I haven't paid attention to what's coming out in a long time but I guess I'll start again. Movies are one thing I like to do by myself. I mean, it's fun with people too, but I don't have to worry about anything when I'm by myself. I sit where I want, eat what I want, and watch what I want. 

Eyes, Part IV

Well…I survived my 4th and final (for now, at least) eye treatment or whatever we’re calling it. My eyes felt great last week, for the most part, but I was on vacation. They’ve been pretty decent this week as well though, so maybe it’s working? It’s definitely gradual but they told me it would be. I’m waiting a couple more weeks to give this last treatment time to work before I decide if it was worth it or not. I mean already, it kind of was because the doctor was able to squeeze oil out of both eyes. It’s still not quite the olive oil consistency it’s supposed to be but it’s a lot better than it was. But then again, if I knew what I was in for when I signed up, I’m pretty sure I would have said no.

Which brings me to the next point. If I’m not feeling all that much relief in a few weeks, I have the option to follow it up with a different treatment. I forget the name of it already. But they basically put these things in your eyes that do some kind of massage/heat thing that gets the same results as the squeezing does. This was originally given to me as treatment option #2 and I said no to it based on the idea that they had to put things in my eyes. I didn’t know at the time that option #1 (which I choose), was also going to put things in my eyes because the brochure doesn’t tell you that! The picture shows goggles! 

Anyway, the idea of putting eyeball caps (I think they called them shields) in my eyes no longer terrifies or grosses me out so I’m not saying flat out no right now. But I’d really like to be done for awhile. So we’ll see. I have already scheduled a 6 month follow up to see how it’s going. 

So now I’m taking it easy tonight. I’m not hot or tense any longer and my face feels fine. My eyes are a little dry and tender, but that’s to be expected. I’m going to watch a movie and maybe sample a few of those chocolates I bought last week. 

Road Trip!

I took a week of vacation this week and it has been so nice to be away from work. I haven’t even thought about it until I just typed that sentence. My mom wanted to go somewhere so I told her ok as long as we went south so it was warmer. 

We drove down to St. George the first day and stayed overnight there. A coworker told me to go to the botanical garden there and it was nice. I liked walking around it. 

The next day we headed into Nevada and stopped at Valley of Fire state park. I’d never been there before so that was a fun side trip. It was windy though and wind kind of aggravates my eyes so we didn’t do so much walking around there.

We spend that night in Pahrump, Nevada. The next day we got up early and drove to Death Valley National Park. The high temperature was supposed to be 92 so we wanted to start before the heat of the day. Usually, I think of Death Valley as somewhere to drive through/past as fast as possible but it was actually fun to go there and see the diversity of the landscapes and vegetation. 

We walked out on the salt flats at Badwater Basin. At 282 feet below sea level, it’s the lowest point in North America. 

My car is sitting here in the parking lot and on the mountain behind it is a tiny white sign that says: Sea Level.

We walked up a couple of hills at Artists Palette. The sun was in the wrong spot to see the colors really bright but they are definitely there. 

We made Zabriskie Point our last stop. It was fun to see part of the park. There was still so much more we didn’t see. I would not want to do that in the summer and the heat, but it would be fun to go back during the winter months and see other parts and get some sunshine. 

And before we came home we stopped in Las Vegas and went to Ethel M’s chocolate factory. Yes, I bought way too much chocolate to bring home. I regret nothing. The little cactus garden they have there was also a nice place to walk . 

Of course my mom survived walking around the uneven ground in Death Valley just to walk off the curb at a gas station and do a face plant. She wasn’t hurt, but was bruised so the trip home was a fast one. We left Vegas at 6 am and drove home. We did stop back in St. George to go to the Farmstead Bakery because of a billboard we saw on the side of the road. It was excellent and worth stopping at. 

It was a fast trip but very relaxing. I stayed off social media and the news but then was very happy to sleep in my own bed last night. I like to go places, but I really like to come home. 

Eyes, Part III

So….I had my 3rd eye appointment today. This one only took about 40 minutes so I think we went through everything faster, which is nice. It is still really weird. I think the numbing drops didn’t get quite where they needed to because I felt the eye cap/covers a bit more. I am fine with the face zapping on all parts except around my mouth and forehead. Those areas are more sensitive, I guess so they hurt the worst. The doctor was also able to squeeze some more oil out afterwards. I had mentioned that they were super irritated after the 2nd appointment so he put in more eye drops at the end to help me recover. Right now my eyes are irritated again, but not so much I can’t handle it. 

I had one really great day last week and then the days I work at home are usually pretty decent. I really, really hope this works. It’s supposed to be a gradual improvement but I would love to have some more good days. More good days than bad days would be really nice. 

Eyes, Part II

So I survived my second eye treatment. Leading up to it, I wasn't sure if knowing what was going to happen was good or bad.  I had a bit of anxiety and made sure to get some exercise beforehand (you aren't supposed to exercise after because you don't want blood rushing to your face).  

The treatment was still strange. The light zapping my face still burned and trying to get my glands to express oil was still uncomfortable but it is still definitely do-able. Because they didn't have to explain every little thing to me this time, the appointment overall took a little less time and after it was over I felt less exhausted than the first time. And I feel like I can definitely survive the next 2 appointments. 

There is some good news that the doctor was able to get oil out of both eyes this time. Not much, and it's a terrible consistency so it's really not that great. But I'll take it. My eyes were super irritated the rest of the day and part of the next but I got over that too. Fingers still crossed that this helps me. 

And in other good news my new succulent survived shipping this time and I have it planted in it's little pot. It still looks a bit sad but that will change as it adjusts.