Eye Update

I had my follow up appointment with the eye doctor to see if all the maintenance and Opti-light treatments I did have helped my eyes at all. Before the appointment, I would have said yes because they do feel pretty good most days. I can now usually make it through work without the burning/dry/redness feelings.  

The good news is that yes, they are doing well. The water test that they did was better than the first time and the oil from my glands is mostly olive oil consistency in one eye and not quite in the other. But it's not solid butter or toothpaste consistency like it was before. So my doctor was happy and so was I. 

The goal is to keep up on what I'm doing to keep feeling this way. We will do another Opti-light next year for maintenance and I'm going to increase the number of days I do the warm eye mask and keep up on everything else. My missing glands are never going to grow back so all I can do is try and make sure I don't lose more of them. 

So yes, I have constant upkeep on my eyes, but I mean, I floss and brush every day too. It's just something that has to be done. I'm feeling pretty positive about it though. More good days than bad days is a great feeling. 

Mascara

To date, mascara is the one makeup item that I always wear no matter what from the time I started wearing any makeup in 7th grade (the year I went to Jr. High and mom let me start wearing makeup at all). It truly became a bit of a security blanket for me and except for rare instances of outdoors activities, I always wore it. Didn’t even matter how early I had to get up to make sure I at least had that on. I do feel more confident with make up on. Funny though because I don’t wear that much makeup in general. Eye liner and mascara, either some liquid or powder type on my face to even the skin tone but not caked on, and concealer. I’ve never gotten the hang of eye shadow and my eye lids are so oily it is gone by mid-day. 

So in my un-scientific endeavors to try and make my eyes feel better, I’ve been experimenting with how I wear eye makeup. I just feel like mascara exacerbates the issue when I’m having “bad eye” days. So I’ve been trying to do without it sometimes. On my work from home days I don’t wear eye make up at all and have been running errands that way. I went to the theater in SL without eye makeup on one night when my eyes were killing me. I already knew that nobody else cares. I’m only the center of attention in my own world and mind. When running errands nobody knows the difference. And my friend with me at the theater certainly didn’t care. 

My eyes were killing me this morning so I didn’t put any mascara on. I used a little bit of eye liner and a new type of eye shadow stick I recently bought. It’s a neutral color and doesn’t have to blend with anything else. Then I went to work. And I’ve been fine. I have to wear my glasses to read the screens and it’s not like I get out of my office all that much anyway. I’m the only one that actually cares. But regardless of what I tell myself, I’m a little bit proud that I did it. I’ve been telling myself one thing for most of my life even though it wasn’t true and now I’m doing something different. It’s not that I’m never going to wear mascara again. I might wear it to work tomorrow. But I am dealing with and changing a lie I told myself for years: I have to wear mascara to look (nice, like I tried, like myself?). 

This morning my eyes were dry and burning and they are still dry and burning. What they are not is swollen and I think it’s because they are mascara free. This is just one day and I’m not done experimenting but I feel I’m making progress. My goal is to feel comfortable with whatever my eyes are going to do any given day and just roll with it. 

Eyes, Part IV

Well…I survived my 4th and final (for now, at least) eye treatment or whatever we’re calling it. My eyes felt great last week, for the most part, but I was on vacation. They’ve been pretty decent this week as well though, so maybe it’s working? It’s definitely gradual but they told me it would be. I’m waiting a couple more weeks to give this last treatment time to work before I decide if it was worth it or not. I mean already, it kind of was because the doctor was able to squeeze oil out of both eyes. It’s still not quite the olive oil consistency it’s supposed to be but it’s a lot better than it was. But then again, if I knew what I was in for when I signed up, I’m pretty sure I would have said no.

Which brings me to the next point. If I’m not feeling all that much relief in a few weeks, I have the option to follow it up with a different treatment. I forget the name of it already. But they basically put these things in your eyes that do some kind of massage/heat thing that gets the same results as the squeezing does. This was originally given to me as treatment option #2 and I said no to it based on the idea that they had to put things in my eyes. I didn’t know at the time that option #1 (which I choose), was also going to put things in my eyes because the brochure doesn’t tell you that! The picture shows goggles! 

Anyway, the idea of putting eyeball caps (I think they called them shields) in my eyes no longer terrifies or grosses me out so I’m not saying flat out no right now. But I’d really like to be done for awhile. So we’ll see. I have already scheduled a 6 month follow up to see how it’s going. 

So now I’m taking it easy tonight. I’m not hot or tense any longer and my face feels fine. My eyes are a little dry and tender, but that’s to be expected. I’m going to watch a movie and maybe sample a few of those chocolates I bought last week. 

Eyes, Part III

So….I had my 3rd eye appointment today. This one only took about 40 minutes so I think we went through everything faster, which is nice. It is still really weird. I think the numbing drops didn’t get quite where they needed to because I felt the eye cap/covers a bit more. I am fine with the face zapping on all parts except around my mouth and forehead. Those areas are more sensitive, I guess so they hurt the worst. The doctor was also able to squeeze some more oil out afterwards. I had mentioned that they were super irritated after the 2nd appointment so he put in more eye drops at the end to help me recover. Right now my eyes are irritated again, but not so much I can’t handle it. 

I had one really great day last week and then the days I work at home are usually pretty decent. I really, really hope this works. It’s supposed to be a gradual improvement but I would love to have some more good days. More good days than bad days would be really nice. 

Eyes, Part II

So I survived my second eye treatment. Leading up to it, I wasn't sure if knowing what was going to happen was good or bad.  I had a bit of anxiety and made sure to get some exercise beforehand (you aren't supposed to exercise after because you don't want blood rushing to your face).  

The treatment was still strange. The light zapping my face still burned and trying to get my glands to express oil was still uncomfortable but it is still definitely do-able. Because they didn't have to explain every little thing to me this time, the appointment overall took a little less time and after it was over I felt less exhausted than the first time. And I feel like I can definitely survive the next 2 appointments. 

There is some good news that the doctor was able to get oil out of both eyes this time. Not much, and it's a terrible consistency so it's really not that great. But I'll take it. My eyes were super irritated the rest of the day and part of the next but I got over that too. Fingers still crossed that this helps me. 

And in other good news my new succulent survived shipping this time and I have it planted in it's little pot. It still looks a bit sad but that will change as it adjusts. 

New Glasses, Part II

I finally got my new reading glasses. I say finally, even though it’s only been about 12 days. I missed them. The progressive bifocal is just not the same. It’s great for some things but not for hours of reading. And with my updated prescription, the words are sharp again. I love it. 

I also did my first dry eye treatment and now I’m wondering what I got myself into. LOL It’s called Optilight or Ultilight? I can’t remember. But it wasn’t exactly done the way the brochure said. It’s like laser light applied to your face and eyelids to get your cells to repair themselves or something like that. It was the option most likely to give quicker results so I took it. 

I have had electrolysis done before so I was kind of expecting something like that, but it did not feel anything like it. They put numbing drops in my eyes (like 3 different times) and then they smeared some kind of gel/lotion all over my face and eyelids and then put some kind of cover over my eyeballs to protect them from the light. I still saw lots of light flashes and it wasn’t until they took the caps back off that I realized how dark they actually made everything. Then it’s almost like being struck with a rubber band that’s on fire. But in my mind I keep thinking it was a tiny defibrillator being used because I jumped/twitched every single time. Dr. said that was normal. So yes, when the hot thing touched my face it hurt and burned. But it was only for a second and it disappeared fast. The actual treatment on the eyelids didn’t hurt at all. It’s much lighter. The upper lip area and sides of my forehead hurt the worst. 

When that part was done I got to wipe off my face and clean it up then the doctor tried to get my meibomian glands to express oil. My right eye got a little bit out and he said it was the consistency of tooth paste, but it’s supposed to be more like olive oil. My left eye not a drop. After my 4-6 treatments, I’m supposed to see some real improvement there. Now, I just can’t go in the sun without sunscreen and hat on, but that’s not a problem at this time of year, plus I always wear sunscreen. 

Overall, right after the treatment was finished, I felt like I had been run over by a train or something. I was wiped, even though the actual pain disappeared by the time I cleaned my face off. The sunburn feeling was gone by the time I drove home. Now its just my eyelids that feel a little soreness and that’s not even worse than normal. So yes, I can handle it and I will be fine, it’s just a really strange, weird process. Next time I’ll be more prepared for it and bring something to pull back my hair and clip back my bangs. I really, really hope this helps.