Mascara

To date, mascara is the one makeup item that I always wear no matter what from the time I started wearing any makeup in 7th grade (the year I went to Jr. High and mom let me start wearing makeup at all). It truly became a bit of a security blanket for me and except for rare instances of outdoors activities, I always wore it. Didn’t even matter how early I had to get up to make sure I at least had that on. I do feel more confident with make up on. Funny though because I don’t wear that much makeup in general. Eye liner and mascara, either some liquid or powder type on my face to even the skin tone but not caked on, and concealer. I’ve never gotten the hang of eye shadow and my eye lids are so oily it is gone by mid-day. 

So in my un-scientific endeavors to try and make my eyes feel better, I’ve been experimenting with how I wear eye makeup. I just feel like mascara exacerbates the issue when I’m having “bad eye” days. So I’ve been trying to do without it sometimes. On my work from home days I don’t wear eye make up at all and have been running errands that way. I went to the theater in SL without eye makeup on one night when my eyes were killing me. I already knew that nobody else cares. I’m only the center of attention in my own world and mind. When running errands nobody knows the difference. And my friend with me at the theater certainly didn’t care. 

My eyes were killing me this morning so I didn’t put any mascara on. I used a little bit of eye liner and a new type of eye shadow stick I recently bought. It’s a neutral color and doesn’t have to blend with anything else. Then I went to work. And I’ve been fine. I have to wear my glasses to read the screens and it’s not like I get out of my office all that much anyway. I’m the only one that actually cares. But regardless of what I tell myself, I’m a little bit proud that I did it. I’ve been telling myself one thing for most of my life even though it wasn’t true and now I’m doing something different. It’s not that I’m never going to wear mascara again. I might wear it to work tomorrow. But I am dealing with and changing a lie I told myself for years: I have to wear mascara to look (nice, like I tried, like myself?). 

This morning my eyes were dry and burning and they are still dry and burning. What they are not is swollen and I think it’s because they are mascara free. This is just one day and I’m not done experimenting but I feel I’m making progress. My goal is to feel comfortable with whatever my eyes are going to do any given day and just roll with it.