We had a great speaker in sacrament meeting yesterday. I don’t know her well, mostly just know who she is. I really could do a much better job of welcoming people and saying “hi”, even with the introvert me urging caution.
Anyway, she referenced a book I had thought about reading, and then didn’t (because I decided to ignore my questions and basically hide my head in the sand, even though they don’t really go away) but now have purchased and started reading.
Her talk was about her daughter being lgbtq+ and her struggles to remain in a church that judges instead of loves, and also how to foster a sense of belonging and listening instead of judging. It was just so good and really taught me some stuff. I can do better for sure.
Mostly I know that I’m not alone in my questions and that I’m ok right now as I struggle through some things. Just this morning before church I was thinking (again) how I probably wouldn’t be going if I wasn’t playing the piano in Primary and had something to do there. I just show up because I’m not ready to quit. I realized today that just showing up is ok right now if that’s all I can do. Eventually, I probably need to work through a few things, but for now I’m ok with the space I am in.
I really can and need to do better at loving instead of judging. And while I get stuck in a rut thinking it has to be in my ward, it doesn’t have to be. That’s only one space that I am in. There are others. I could even love in multiple spaces at the same time.
I spent the rest of the day with lots to think about and this is one Sunday, I’m glad I was there.
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