August

August is actually the cruelest month, at least for this year.

My dad died on August 5^th.  Long story short: he made the decision to stop dialysis. We sat with him for the 2 days it took.  

What an absolute roller coaster of emotions.

To compound everything I’ve had some car problems and sometimes it’s the last straw. I feel bad for a couple people who have caught me at my breaking point and have had to deal with a few tears at inopportune moments. OOPS

And yet life goes on. People are out mowing lawns, walking dogs, going to work, a whole myriad of things and I feel a little outside of it all.

I’m doing ok and things will settle down into a new normal. I guess. There’s just a big hole in our family now.

I’ve learned a few things. One thing is I’ve been a really bad friend to a few people who have experienced the death of a loved one.  I want to change that going forward.

Lots of people have expressed condolences or whatever you want to call it. And then there are people who don’t know what to say and that’s ok too. That’s usually where I am on the spectrum.  All the little gestures of kindness truly help, whether it is a card, text, plants, chocolate, coming to the viewing and funeral, or even just popping into my office to tell me they are sorry.

I am humbled by how kind people can be.

I am not really a blogger. I have this blog, which is mostly an online journal but I don’t actively share it with people. I doubt anyone reads it except me which is totally fine but I’m putting this out there for the universe. I believe with everything that I am that I will see my dad again. Death isn’t the end and families are eternal.